My infertility journey led us down many different paths, until we were blessed with our gorgeous twins. It was not an easy time, however I truly believe these paths were destined for me. Our final destination was India. Where our amazing, selfless surrogate mother, Manu, gave us our twins. There is not a day where I do not think of Manu, and hope she and her family are all well.
I came across this image recently, and after everything I have been through, did the fact that someone who does not know me, and is in fact most likely only referring to her own personal circumstance when writing this, upset or trigger me? Yes maybe for a second, but apart from that, not really. I just thought to myself, what a stupid, stupid comment to make.
'Stay in your own lane', it means to travel your own journey through life, in your own time and don’t be put off by what others may be doing beside you. When I need a little reminder I repeat these words silently in my head, I also picture myself with my hands on the steering wheel driving, looking straight ahead, not veering or being distracted by what is going on around me.
You have been there. I know it. The question “So when are you having a baby?” On the inside it tears at your heartstrings, and in your head, you have the urge to want to bop them one on the nose! However, on the outside you politely smile and come up with a possibly lame excuse, hiding what is really going on in our personal life.
Majority of the time when I tell my story the tears can easily flow and I am okay with that. I do believe I have healed from the pain; however there is lasting trauma surrounding my unexplained infertility. I will never forget every little part of our eight-year journey.
Gosh this video and story by Maria McGrath was really touching and resonates with me. I feel every word she says in this clip. For a long time in my life, well during all of my 30’s, I honestly thought this may be me and how my life would be, wanting a baby so badly, but not having one.
I know I have blogged about my mummy anxiety in the past, but I am feeling I need to write about it again. Some of you may relate, some may not, however for me, I am hoping by writing about it, it may help me work through it.
To challenge myself and show my vulnerability, I am going to tell you all something about me which I have been struggling with privately. Even my closest friends and family do not know about this and will only know if they read this post.
For anyone who has been trying to conceive naturally for some time or going through IVF and having recurring failed cycles or recurring miscarriages, Natural Killer Cells is something I really suggest you consider asking your fertility specialist more about.
I often get asked why I decided to share my story. Trust me the thought of writing an actual book was daunting, but my answer always pretty much remains the same; this is not a fictional story. This is my very REAL life story.