You have been there. I know it. The question “So when are you having a baby?” On the inside it tears at your heartstrings, and in your head, you have the urge to want to bop them one on the nose! However, on the outside you politely smile and come up with a possibly lame excuse, hiding what is really going on in our personal life. You don’t want anyone to know the shame you feel from dealing with infertility. I understand as I have been there as well, and it is the reason behind the introduction to my book, Long-Awaited Child. Trying to fall pregnant can be stressful and they say stress can affect your chances. It sounds like a never-ending cycle doesn’t it?
I have shared my story to help you. To help anyone who may be going through similar struggles. Are you feeling lonely, sad, and uncertain of your future, in need of hope? I can’t promise you those feelings will go away; however, I can give you hope that there could be light at the end of the tunnel. And by sharing my story and possibly helping just one person or couple, then I believe that is a good thing.
Long-Awaited Child – The Introduction
‘So when are you having a baby?’
The number of times we were asked this question was astounding. Trust me, I wanted a baby, and every single time I was asked this question it got harder and more frustrating to answer.
Did I not seem happy? Did I have to have a baby to be happy?
I know no one meant any harm. The question seemed like a natural one to ask as I was in a long-term relationship, and 31 years old; and as they say, ‘The clock is ticking.’
From first trying for a baby at 31 years old to finally holding my babies in my arms at 39, my partner, Ian, and I went from many, many rock-bottom lows to some heart bursting highs. Eight long – and at times – excruciating years might make some people want to throw in the towel, but we were determined to have a family, no matter how long we waited.
To this day, we still do not know why I was unable to fall pregnant naturally; however, during the time it took for our dream of having a child to come true, we knew we had to explore all possibilities. Nothing was a guarantee in the process, not until finally holding our baby – well, babies – in our arms did we know for sure we would be a complete family.
I always thought meeting the right partner and then having a family together was how life would naturally play out. I figured that motherhood was something I’d arrive at naturally, when the time was right for me. It was not until I was in my early thirties and ready to be a mum that I realized how much I truly wanted a family.
As our struggle became evident, I would witness family, friends or even strangers having a beautiful moment with their child and it would break my heart. I longed to have that same bond and unconditional love with my own baby.
I was never really concerned with how I was going to have my baby; I did not necessarily need to be pregnant myself, just as long as I had a baby of my own to love. I guess we all have our own ideas and dreams of when and how we want to have our family, and at times we all have to go down different paths to get to the same place.
In reality, all options outside of a natural pregnancy are expensive and emotional, and still provide no certainty for having a child. Over time, Ian and I explored all options after conceiving naturally was unsuccessful – in-vitro fertilisation, foster care, adoption, using a donor egg, and surrogacy. It is said that hindsight is a wonderful aspect, though it takes a situation to occur before that saying reaches fruition. Well, this book is my hindsight on our infertility struggles from first trying to have a baby to our baby joy eight years later.
Love to you all,